My heart broke as I heard the news that his cancer was back. His active lifestyle was halting once again. Will this be the last resurgence of the cancer?-DS

Leigh’s Experience  I Wanted to Fix Her

Five months after her treatment, she was diagnosed with a different type of breast cancer, and it was Stage 4. She had a mastectomy and more; in the doctor’s words, “We threw the book at her.” She fought harder than I ever thought possible. When she knew she was going to die, she started to withdraw. I am crying as I share this because watching her suffer and slip away broke my heart. I wanted to fix her, take away her pain and suffering, and give her young life many more years to live. Becky died at age 46, six months after her PET scan. I really miss my sweet friend more than anyone will ever know.

Friends are impacted when someone they care about is experiencing a medical crisis.  Often they want to help but may not know how. It is important for us, as friends, to put our needs well below the friend’s and family’s.

Roger’s Experience  Go Away

Living and dealing with a spouse undergoing chemotherapy was the most difficult experience of my life. It tested every aspect of me as a person, husband, and friend. I became a caregiver, confidant, and cheerleader.

My wife was undergoing dose-dense chemotherapy, which basically left her immobile on the couch every other week. I had to assume a role that I never expected. My wife did not want to see or even talk to friends. It was just too exhausting for her. But many people did not understand this, and I had to become a gatekeeper to monitor calls and attempted visits.

One friend was relentless in her desire to see my wife. When the doorbell rang and I opened the door, she handed me a package and inquired how she was doing. I told her she was having a particularly rough day, as her chemo session had been two days ago and it took about 48 hours to really have its effect. She asked me if she could see her. I politely told her no, that my wife was in too much pain, but I appreciated her kindness and would convey her feelings to my wife. Just then, our phone rang, and my wife weakly answered it, as I was at the door. The “visitor” heard her answer the phone, pushed me out of the way, and walked into our house, boldly announcing, “Of course she will see me.” I still feel angry that she was so self-centered and that the wishes and needs of my wife were disregarded, particularly by someone who was supposed to be her friend.

Resources for When Your Friend is Ill

Life Saving Friendships: Helping A Friend Cope With Illness, Death & Dying is a Kindle book by Julie Keating[1]

When Life Becomes Precious: The essential guide for patients, loved ones, and friends of those facing serious illnesses, by Elise NeeDell Babcock[2]

Beyond Casseroles: 505 ways to encourage a chronically ill friend (Conquering the confusions of chronic illness), by Lisa J. Copen[3]

[1] https://www.amazon.com/Life-Saving-Friendships-Helping-Illness-ebook/dp/B00JI774R8
[2] Babcock, E. N. (2002). When life becomes precious: The essential guide for patients, loved ones, and friends of those facing serious illnesses. New York: Bantam.
[3] Copen, L. J. (2008). Beyond casseroles: 505 ways to encourage a chronically ill friend. San Diego, CA: RMP, Rest Ministries.

Featured image courtesy of sasint on Pixabay.